How to look after yourself as a sandwich carer

For many people, caring does not happen outside of work and life.

You may be raising children while also helping an ageing parent, supporting a relative with illness or disability, or coordinating care for a friend or neighbour, while juggling your usual work responsibilities. If this sounds familiar, you may be part of the “sandwich generation”.

The term describes people who are “sandwiched” between caring responsibilities across two generations – most commonly dependent children and ageing parents. But every family is different. Care might involve school logistics, medical appointments, household tasks, emotional support, managing finances, responding to emergencies or simply keeping track of what everyone needs.

Many sandwich carers do not think of themselves as carers until something forces the label on them: a doctor’s note, a hospital form, or simply running out of road. They may see themselves as a parent, partner, daughter, son, sibling or friend who is doing what families do. Yet the combined physical, emotional and mental load can be significant.

In Australia, there are 3.0 million unpaid carers (about one in eight people) up from 2.6 million in 2018. Around 1.2 million are primary carers, providing the bulk of daily support, and two‑thirds of them are women. The average carer is 50 years old, squarely in the busiest years for parenting and work.

In hours, this looks like a second full‑time job. Carers provided nearly 2.2 billion hours of unpaid care in 2020, with primary carers averaging 35.2 hours a week. Almost a third of primary carers spend 40 or more hours weekly on care, and those working the longest hours report the worst sleep, the least time for themselves and the highest psychological distress.

Why it can feel overwhelming

Sandwich caring often involves competing needs, limited time and constant decision-making. You may feel pulled in different directions or guilty that you are not giving enough to your children, the person you care for, your work or yourself.

The invisible work can be particularly exhausting: researching services, applying for assistance, checking medications, planning meals, organising transport and anticipating what could go wrong. When this continues for a long time, it can affect sleep, relationships, finances, health and wellbeing.

There may not be a perfect balance. The aim is to make caring more sustainable and ensure you are not carrying everything alone.

Practical ways to make work and care more manageable

Name what you are carrying.

Write down the practical, emotional and administrative tasks involved in your caring roles. Seeing the full picture can help you recognise why you feel stretched and identify what could be shared.

Ask for specific help.

General offers such as “let me know if you need anything” can be difficult to act on. Ask family members or friends to take responsibility for a defined task, whether it be a weekly phone call, school pickup, meal, appointment or piece of paperwork.

Have conversations before a crisis.

Where possible, talk with ageing parents and other family members about preferences, important documents, finances, health decisions and emergency contacts. Early conversations can make unexpected changes easier to manage.

Explore your workplace options.

You may be able to access flexible hours, adjusted start and finish times, remote work, personal or carer’s leave, reduced hours or temporary changes to responsibilities. Think about what would make the greatest practical difference before speaking with your manager.

Create one source of truth.

A shared calendar or secure family folder can reduce the burden of holding every detail in your head. Include appointments, medication information, contact details, care arrangements and important documents.

Protect small amounts of recovery time.

Self-care does not need to mean a holiday or an elaborate routine. A walk, an uninterrupted meal, time with a friend or an hour without organising someone else’s needs can help restore capacity.

Review the arrangement regularly.

Caring needs change. What worked six months ago may no longer be realistic. Check in with yourself and your family about what needs to change, stop or be shared differently.

Most importantly, remember that finding care difficult does not mean you are failing. It usually means the load is substantial. Recognising that load and seeking support is an important step towards caring for others without losing yourself in the process.